If anyone knows me, they know that I don’t like waiting. Waiting four years to get married, waiting five years to graduate college, waiting six months to buy our first house, waiting 28 months for five babies, waiting 3.5 years for Carter. Waiting.
You’d think after all this time I would grow accustomed to waiting. HA! No. I’m impatient. Here I am waiting again and this time there’s nothing I can do to control anything around the wait. I left the hospital for the first time since Sunday. It was really hard and Rob had to really pull to get me out. It felt good to leave for the first ten minutes then the guilt, worry, anxiety, and so much more sat in. I try to stuff it to the back burner and reassure myself that the hospital staff has my number and Rob’s if need be but I’m only good for about an hour then the panicking sets in. So leaving is pretty much a no go even just going to the family room to eat dinner is difficult for me now. Things are different. Things have changed and I don’t know anymore. What was promised before is not longer to be.
I don’t know how I’m going to function. I don’t know how I’m going to be two places at once. I don’t know how. Life is about to change dramatically, again. I’ve been preparing my mind for it.
Good news is as of today we finally got a room at the Ronald McDonald house. It’s a larger room so we’ll be able to bring the kids down on the weekends or during spring break to stay. They’re going to be excited regardless, even if they can’t see Carter because it’s flu season. Here’s a glimpse into our home away from home.
PS if the woman in the room with me says retarded one more time, I’m going to pounce.